I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You ate ashes out of my bong
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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