so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
