You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
