I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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