Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
