Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize