If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
