I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i permit you to call me
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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