we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It's Friday. Sex?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
