we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
