Swine flu. Run for my life!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize