The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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