ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
