I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
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Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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