Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
