i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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