You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
