I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
They have beer where we have blood.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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