it hurts more in the daytime
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
