she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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