he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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