the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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