Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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