i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
