That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just want nice things and good sex
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
