Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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