I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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