cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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