She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Someone shattered a urinal.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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