Well douche your snatch and let's go!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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