It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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