All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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