You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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