I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
