I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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