We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
