i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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