he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
