I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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