Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
