I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
