my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
