ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
