I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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