At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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