It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
