I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
