would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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