oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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