another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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