conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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