Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
