i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
