why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I smell like Dick and happiness
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
