So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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