You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
