cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
