forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
please come you make the beer taste better
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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