my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
