i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
