I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
