His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
