I didn't shave. On purpose
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
