Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
