So drunk its hurt
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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