yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
